Just because you start a sentence with "I don't mean to be rude, but..." doesn't make what you are about to say no longer rude! The beginning of the statement doesn't change the meaning of the rest of the sentence. And quite honestly, if you begin the sentence that way, you are already aware that what you are saying is rude! (You can exchange rude for mean, snotty, etc.)
I think people say that first to make themselves feel better. Obviously they aren't making the other person feel better, because they are still telling them what they know is most likely a hurtful statement!
Recently, Geno and I were watching an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where his mother makes a comment about how she NEVER says anything in a mean or spiteful way. (I can't remember her exact words, but you get the idea.) I think she may even have said something about not intruding in others' lives. After she makes the statement, she looks at her DIL and says, "Right, Debra?" For anyone who watches that show, you know how many little things she says to Debra about her cooking, cleaning, parenting, etc.!
I believe that each of us has an opinion of what we see as right or wrong in others, and we basically want to do the right. We look at people like Raymond's mom and realize just how the things she says make Debra feel bad. We don't want to make people feel like that, so we make ourselves feel better by justifying to ourselves..."I never have bad intentions" or "I don't mean to be rude, but..."
Looking back, I have found myself saying, "I don't mean to stick my nose in where it doesn't belong, but..." HELLO! Of course I mean to stick my nose in where it doesn't belong, or I would just
NOT SAY ANYTHING AT ALL!
However, if you are asked for your opinion-BE HONEST. Rude or not ;o)
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